I’m not entirely sure why this topic has popped into my head this morning but regardless I feel I should talk about it anyway! For this post I have to take you back to my high school years (see picture below for visual representation). I had a boyfriend who I thought was pretty cool at the time, I probably thought I loved him (in that: you’re in high school and don’t really know what love it, kinda way).
At the time all I cared about was finishing school, getting to sixth form and then going to uni so I could become an professional actor. Nothing would drive me from this path because It was all I wanted from life. My boyfriend at the time didn’t really understand and wanted me to move to where he lived once I finished school so we could be together… Yeah… no. So needless to say we broke up because I put my dream before my relationship with him.
Now fast forward to the end of sixth form (again cheeky pic down below for some mental conjuring inspiration!).
I applied for a bunch of drama schools and began going to auditions. I very quickly realised it was a lot more difficult to get into these places than I had anticipated and more over I started to wonder if I actually wanted to go to a drama school. On my second year of applying I turning up to one of my auditions drunk/hung over, I think this was the moment I realised I didn’t want this anymore. I love acting but going to a drama school which was built upon prejudices and money was something I couldn’t be part of. My dream had changed..
If we go a few years after this I had moved in with a guy in Scotland. The next few years shaped me into what I am now. I was so unhappy in my relationship that all my priorities changed. I began acting as an escape from being in the flat, half hoping I would get a big break and be able to move away. Not only this but material possessions began to mean a lot more to me. Suddenly I was obsessed with hording dvds and buying more Disney merch that I could possibly need. Looking back, I now see that my dreams had changed because of my mental state. I was filling the gap in my life with everything and anything that would comfort me.
Of course life works in cycles though and this cycle had very quickly come to an end. Suddenly the most important thing in my life was getting out of the flat I shared with my ex and sorting my life out! I was more than lucky to reconnect with Cole who inspired me to work hard and kept me sane in some of the darkest times of my life.
Aaaand back to present day..
I now live with bubba saving up for something bigger and better than our lives at the moment. My dreams have changed again, acting is still important to me and something I want to pursue but I have realised life is so short and I have experienced very little in my time. I want to travel and see other cultures. I want to learn how to do new things and live in new ways. I want to enjoy every day with someone who makes me feel like I don’t need to chase dreams, because when I’m with them it feels like all my dreams have come true anyway.
As we grow up we come to realise what matters most to us, dreams change and priorities shift. The key is to look inside yourself and ask are you truly happy? Or are you just filling those empty voids with false dreams?
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